Discipline: What to consider
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Discipline – even the dictionary seems to be challenged when it comes to the concept “discipline”. It’s no wonder we, as a community, have such varied ideas of what is called for when a child’s behavior is unacceptable given the situation.
First, it’s important we’re on the same page when we’re talking about discipline. When I speak here of discipline I’m speaking NOT of ‘punishment’… but rather about the approaches we take with the intention of steering a child toward desirable behavior. Now, you don’t have to agree with my definition here but in order to move the conversation forward it is important that you know what I mean when I’m talking about discipline.
Naturally, the first consideration should be what works.
Consider a child trying to put together a puzzle. They try to get the piece to fit over and over using the same approach. And when it just won’t fit they are ready to scream… until you gently suggest, “Try moving it a bit to the left.”
The same message goes for discipline. If you try an approach several times and it doesn’t work, TRY SOMETHING ELSE.
The second thing to consider is side effects. This is really critical… so please don’t think the order of these considerations says anything about their importance. You want to consider question whether or not your approach to changing a child’s behavior is at the expense of her self-esteem. The child who picks up the message that they are “bad” will start to believe it and act that way. Children who think they are “stupid” will have a hard time learning. Punishment and criticism are likely to produce unwanted side effects. I can promise you there are effective ways to get cooperation from children that leave self-esteem intact!
The third thing I suggest you consider is inner controls (i.e. self-discipline). I know, I know… with a toddler or some new children in your daycare, you expect to always have to be on top of things. And of course you must consistently make the limits clear and consistently enforce them yet eventually you’ll expect the children to respect the limits and control themselves… at least most of the time.
This seems to be something of a challenge for many adults. And yet your willingness to simply EXPECT them to respect the limits and control themselves is extremely powerful and empowering. And children will be more able to do this if you give them reasons for your limits. (“If you pull the cat’s tail she might bite you.” “If you jump on the couch you might break it and then we won’t have a comfy place to sit on.”)
Think about this… If you agree that the point of discipline is to move from ‘outer control’ to ‘inner control’, then you’ll not only share your reasons with your children, you’ll make changes in yourself.
Pay attention to the message you may be sending by the words you’re using. For instance, “I don’t want to catch you hitting him.” implies ‘but if you can get away with it, it’s okay… just don’t let me catch you.’ whereas a statement such as, “I won’t let you hit him.” implies ‘I’ll provide the control for you now. Eventually I’ll expect you to provide your own self-control’
I’ll wrap it up with one more thing for you to consider. There is no “right way” to discipline. You know lots of right ways. You know very well that no one way works all the time for all the children. So don’t let the ‘experts’ convince you that their method of discipline is THE best one. You know that the best discipline is the one that works, enhances self-esteem, and leads to self-control.
Until later, remember to respect each other, nurture one another and play well together…
I appreciate you.
–Mary K
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EVERY child a special needs child
By · CommentsDo we really think all of our children need to be ‘diagnosed’ and ‘labeled’ with some sort of disorder before we start to understand that EVERY CHILD IS A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD?!?!!
Having worked with young children for a couple of decades I noticed a definite ramping up in numbers of children diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or Autism or something on the Autistic Spectrum and on and on and on… not to mention the jump in the number of children in various ‘therapy’ programs, be it Speech Therapy or Behavioral Therapy. Surely those of you who have been providing care for other people’s children over the past 10 years or so have noticed the same?
There are many ‘professionals’ speculating as to the cause of this apparent explosion… looking at things like prenatal care, diet, environmental pollutants, etc. I may be in the minority here but it all just leaves me shaking my head because from my perspective… I’d say the kids are trying to teach us something invaluable here and once again… we seem to be missing the boat.
In order to understand my perspective it might help to know that I definitely held, and continue to hold, that the ‘teaching‘ going on in my childcare home was definitely heavier on the side of the children teaching ME rather than vice versa! That said, let me sum up what I believe they are currently teaching us:
- Stay Present with Me – Yes, as adults we have developed a habit that serves NO ONE. We are looking backwards or looking forward but rarely, rarely are we fully present in the NOW. Which is where children live!!!
- Pay Attention to What I Need – This doesn’t mean you, as the guardian, should put your own needs on the back burner. In fact, that would be foolhardy. It does mean that each child is always expressing their needs; they may be doing that in a way you don’t understand yet it’s crucial to VALIDATE not VIOLATE the needs of each individual child.
Those are two very powerful and wise concepts. I’ll be addressing each of them seperately in future posts. In the meantime, let’s ease up on the labeling and simply start LISTENING. I have a hunch it will serve our children and our community in bigger and better ways than anything else!
Play well together 
,
Mary K
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Stone Soup Recipe
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Whether you’re doing a Unit on FOLKTALES or just reading adding it to your reading list, young kids always enjoy reading Stone Soup. After you’ve read the story a few times why not have each of the children bring a vegetable to school for a stew. Let them work on washable plastic placemats and use serrated knives to cut the vegetables into very small pieces. (Some vegetable are quite hard so either you can cut them or blanche them to soften for the children to cut).
Provide a washed stone and some chicken or beef broth. Cook all of the ingredients in a pot or an electric frypan until done (about an hour. I would let it cook through nap time and we would eat soup for afternoon snack!)
Reread or retell the story or simply discuss the story as the group eats the stone soup.
The 3 Peanut-Butter Bears Recipe
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This recipe may lean more toward a ‘playdough’ though it’s a bit easier on those little tummies than the usual playdough recipes with so much salt. (Here you’ll find none! ) This is another great recipe to use when your weekly Unit Theme is FOLKTALES. Remember… you can incorporate a little math lesson here too. Naturally, you’ll want an alternative if you’re concerned about any potential peanut allergies.
1-1/2 cups peanut butter
1-1/2 cups dry milk
2 Tablespoons honey
(Makes two cups of dough)
Mix the peanut butter and the dry milk together. Stir in the honey. The mixture should look like light-brown dough. (Add a little more dry milk if the mixture is too sticky. TIP: I recommend you make this dough as it’s quite a sticky mess initially. I’ve found when I let the kids help in making it we had very little usable dough)
Wash hands. Give each child a share of the dough and a piece of waxed paper to work on. Shape bears by rolling balls for heads and bodies and by adding small balls and bits for ears, nose, eyes, and paws. Let each child make one of the three bears with his or her share of the dough. Ask each child about which bear he or she is making and why.
Gingerbread Man Recipe
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Here’s a simple recipe that the children can help with… both the measuring and mixing as well as the cutting and decorating. You might want to plan for this while doing a Learning Unit on FOLKTALES!
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 egg
1-1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ginger
raisins
Cream the sugar and butter together. Sift and mix in the other ingredients to make dough. (Chilling for awhile will make rolling out easier)
Roll out the dough. Let the children use a gingerbread man or woman cookie cutter to cut out shapes. Then add raisins for buttons and facial features on the shape.
Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes or until brown.
Prepare for Art Fair
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Today I want to make a suggestion – Plan for an ART FAIR in August!
Yes… I realize we’re just approaching the end of May here in the northern hemisphere And that makes it the perfect time to consider holding an Art Fair at the end of summer.
A very favorite activity in my daycare was doing “art” projects. You may find that to be true for you also. Nothing more exciting for 2-5 year olds than a bit of glitter and a dab of glue!!! LOL
And in the summer, when we could get outside we’d go WILD with bigger, messier projects than ever. But what to do with all this stuff? Of course, parents love to be presented with their children’s art but there comes a point when enough is enough!
That’s when I got a bright idea. I decided that though it might be challenging for the kids to consider leaving their art work at daycare… oh my… we should share our work on a slightly grander scale.
So I suggested that we keep some of their summer artwork at my house with the intention that before school starts in fall, we would hold a sidewalk ART FAIR in front of the house. Not only that… we were going to donate the proceeds to some local charity that we would choose as time for the Art Fair drew near.
The idea was a ‘hit’. Of course, it helped that there were school-agers involved since they are a bit less reluctant to part with their paper bag puppet, if you know what I mean.
Something magical happens with a group of kids when they share a common purpose. The summer art my kids created, yes, even the very young ones, was always amazing. They are so eager and proud… even if they don’t quite understand the idea of an “Art Fair in August” until the day of the fair.
They simply become unleashed. Exploring their creativity while honing their skills because they love the idea of sharing (and showing off) at the Fair. They create art that’s functional like Kites and bowls and art that can be played with like games and dollhouses and art that exists simply for the beauty like paintings and clay sculpture.
From large pieces created by shaking brushes and squirting paint from squirt guns on rolls of paper pinned to chain link fences to tiny painted rock people… and everything in-between.
The excitement grows as August approaches. The two weeks before the ART FAIR it’s time to teach the children about marketing! No time for creating art now. It’s time to paint posters and make flyers announcing the upcoming ART FAIR. (And put on your walking shoes because you all are going to canvass the surrounding neighborhood with flyers!!!)
Admittedly, the day of the ART FAIR arrives and… the parents go home with most of the art!!! LOL (Another bit of magic is that inevitibly parents seem to be excused from work early on Art Fair days… hmmm)
The kids are glowing, the parents are proud and enjoyed socializing and you feel the satisfaction along with the relief of having all that artwork out of your house so you can start getting ready for your fall program.
A few days before the very first ART FAIR we held in my daycare our community suffered the loss of a child. The kids in my care chose to donate their Art Fair earnings to the fund for the bereaved family. It was such an honor for me to take ‘my’ children to the local bank with their bags of nickels, dimes, quarters and dollars. As the children explained how they raised the money the bank tellers started applauding them. It was a fabulous ‘feel good’ moment for all of us. The richest part for me was the conversation of the children as we proceeded back to my house. It expanded their awareness of so many things… not the least of which was that they, too, can make a contribution to their community!
So… what do you think? I hope you’re considering an ART FAIR for your community too. It can also be a great way to raise funds for some new equipment for the kids in your home. There is no limit to what children can do with a little bit of encouragement and the resources to follow their inspiration!
Until later, remember to respect each other, nurture one another and play well together…
I appreciate you.
–Mary K
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Painting Surfaces
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We all have those days when things start to feel a bit stale. It’s at moments like this that you might want to do a little brain-storming to come up with ways to do familiar things in unfamiliar ways or places.
There are so many interesting surfaces that kids can use to paint on… sometimes we all get stuck for ideas so I thought I’d list a few here with the hope you’ll find something untried… or maybe it’s not been used for awhile. So consider it a memory jogger.
Remember… this list is NOT inclusive of everything. The only limit is your imagination (or a child’s ) but consider:
construction paper
newsprint
tissue paper
tracing paper
tin foil
clear/colored acetate
wood
cardboard
shelf paper
paper table cloths
paper place mats
waxed paper
boxes
leather scraps
sand paper
power toweling
paper coffee filters
mirror
plexi-glass
paper bags
cookie sheets
meat trays – plastic, cardboard and styrofoam
table surfaces
window glass
In the Twin Cities here in Minnesota we have a wonderful shop called Art Scraps where you can get recycled materials of all kinds for cheap. Maybe you have something similar near you. It’s well worth exploring different ways to do the same old thing.
Have fun, respect each other and play well together,
--Mary K
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Science and Young Children
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Introducing science into your preschool curriculum is a no-brainer. It’s all around us… everything thing we look at and everything we do has some ’scientific’ aspect about it.
Think about it. Your children have just finished painting something and they want to grab it and put it in their cubby. You have to remind them it needs to dry. One little girl pips up and asks, “Where does the wet go?” That’s scientific inquiry!
You have the kids build racers from small dowels, wooden wheels and toilet paper tubes. A couple little guys have got everything glued down tight. Then they want to know why the wheels won’t turn. That’s scientific inquiry!
The children are out on the driveway riding trikes. A toddler squats down noticing ants crawling around. The 4 year old notices the ants scurry down a little hole and wants to know where they go. That’s scientific inquiry too.
The fun thing is watching the children’s curiosity ramp up when you decide to specifically set aside time for SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS! Setting aside time also ensures a more-balanced science curriculum.
So plan a science time at least once or twice a week if daily seems to frequent for you. Even young children have an amazing body of knowledge… one they are not even able to articulate. By providing the opportunity to perform ’science experiments’ you also have the chance to increase their vocabulary and give them the words to describe what they observe.
Remember… when it comes to very young children the goal is not to acquire facts… it’s the experiencing of success, the joy of discovery, the confidence that comes from validating their observations and all of this from the kids doing things rather than being told.
My best advice to you as the teacher is to set your own sense of wonder free. As you convey your sense of wonder and delight in the world around you the children will freely respond in the same way. In fact, I dare say they will look at some things in ways that haven’t occurred to you. Let them be the teacher for you and you all will be served well.
There are probably things you already do that would fall into the ‘SCIENCE EXPERIMENT’ category. Formally designating time for such ‘experiments’ will jazz your kids and result in some pretty amazing co-operation as they learn to respect what they’re doing as well as the tools they use.
Two books I highly, HIGHLY recommend for your Preschool Science Curriculum are Mudpies to Magnets and MORE Mudpies to Magnets. The experiments are brilliant, laid out clearly and designated appropriate for ages 2+, 3+, 4+, 5+ Naturally, there is some variability when it comes to those ages and simply observing each of your children and their reactions to any given experiment will clue you in to what they are ready for when it comes to science experiments.
Mudpies to Magnets: A Preschool Science Curriculum
More Mudpies to Magnets: Science for Young Children
Have fun EXPERIMENTING!!!
Preschool Curriculum
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Today you have many options when it comes to the curriculum used in your Daycare Home. While some childcare providers seem happy to fly by the seat of their pants, the rest of you feel more comfortable when you have a plan.
Today you can purchase ready-made curriculum where not only is your weekly plan already done for you, supplies for some activities for each child in your care are included in the fee. Doing a Google search will lead you to such programs a KidSparkz, Funsteps, Inc., Mother Goose Time and many more. These can save you a lot of time in both planning and stocking your supplies so if the budget allows, it may be well worth it to sample a few different programs and see which is the best ‘fit’ for you.
Planning a Toddler and/or Preschool Curriculum isn’t really a tough thing to do and taking the time to do so can keep both you and the children eagerly anticipating the discoveries of each day.
I found designing and planning a curriculum around various THEMES was the best way to go. A weekly theme gives focus and direction for incorporating a variety of child development areas while providing the opportunity for a bit more in-depth exploration of a topic or theme. As this site grows you’ll find more and more things in each category that can easily be incorporated into your curriculum at any time.
Of course, kids learn best when they can be hands-on, controling (or trying to ) and acting upon their environment, so always provide plenty of opportunities for them to see, touch, taste, learn and express themselves. All we as the provider have to do is set the stage by offering many experiences to stimulate our children’s curiosity and senses. After all, play is their work so let them initiate things and make choices whenever possible.
I found that while I always had a curriculum prepared and an activity ready for virtually every moment of the Daycare day… because I allowed the children to take the lead there were many days we simply didn’t have time for half the activities I had planned.
One of the wonderful things about operating an in-home childcare center is that it’s YOUR business and YOU are the policy setter, giving you the freedom to set the pace that best serves your unique group of children. Gotta love that!
We’ll talk more about things to keep in mind when working on your curriculum in up-coming posts. Until then, as always I ask you to…
Respect each other, nurture one another and play well together!
I appreciate you,
--Mary K
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